At Least We Live Tonight

Jamie Tworkowski spoke on campus tonight. For those of you that don’t recognize this name, let me share some information. Jamie is the founder of an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms. It has grown quickly since its inception in March of 2006. It is an organization that helps others deal with personal demons such as depression, addiction, and suicide. I have been interested in and kept tabs on TWLOHA since close to the very beginning. In high school I had some very close friends that were dealing with personal demons, and at that point, TWLOHA did not yet exist. Shortly after I graduated in June of 2006, we collectively discovered this organization and realized the opportunities it presented. It offers hope, help, community, and love. TWLOHA is one of the best things that has ever been created in my opinion, and I am thankful each and every day for such a positive organization and kind and helpful people to go along with it. Throughout the course of the night, I relived some tough conversations, as well as some happy ones. “Our hearts are heavy and light.” But the experience was one that I am proud to have been able to have.

Something else to know is that TWLOHA is not a religious organization by any means. It is filled with a dominant Christian culture, but that’s not to say that it is Christian in nature. That being said, I know that many people still associate it with their religions, which I think is great. Here is the main reason I am writing this entry tonight: how I view TWLOHA in conjunction with my religion (or lack there of?). For a very long time I have been on the more cynical end of the spectrum when it comes to my religion. My family is Catholic, but I do not call myself Catholic. If anything, I am a non-denominational Christian, but I’m not sure I’m that either. I have long held the belief that organized religion is a crock. Plain and simple. However, some friends in high school, and now college, have had such strong faiths in their religions that it makes me question my belief system. Don’t misunderstand me please; I do believe. I believe in a higher power. I really do think there is something or someone watching over all of us here on Earth. I just don’t know what that higher power is, or just HOW powerful it is.

A question I hear and have thought all-too-often is, “If there is a God, why did so-and-so have to die so young?” or something to that effect. Many people, including myself, say that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it’s really hard to see what that reason is. What was the reason for my mom having a brain aneurysm? — So that she can work fewer hours, get less pay, and have daily headaches? That doesn’t make much sense to me. Why did my aunt get a brain tumor and pass on at the age of 46? So that her family can miss her every day and so that she got the short end of the stick when it comes to having lifelong experiences? Again, that doesn’t make much sense to me. Yet all these people have such strong, unwavering  faith in their religions. Like I said, I’m cynical.

So, back to the point Kim. I have a handful of friends that are so very passionate about their faith, that I have recently started to question my own (again, or lack there of). I have been wanting to have an honest conversation with one or more of these friends about my thoughts, but I feel too ignorant to bring it up. Not that I have any reason to feel ignorant, they are just my opinions, and if I want to know more, that would be the perfect opportunity. I think the main reason I don’t ask them to talk with me is that I’m worried I will offend them. If I tell them my true thoughts, I’m afraid they will disagree so passionately and end the conversation, when I’m really just looking for their opinions.

I guess the purpose for this ridiculously long post shifted so many times throughout it that I can’t even tell you what the real point is anymore. It turned into a chance for me to rant and get all these thoughts that have been swimming through my brain out. I really hope that I’m still able to ponder all of these things because they keep me on my toes. And hopefully, I will get to have that honest conversation sometime soon.

Peace to all.

current tunes: Fortunate Son — Creedence Clearwater Revival

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